I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
