I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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