I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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