1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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