I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
