PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i out mim tonsoeep
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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