I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
