just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
