"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
