i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
