Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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