My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
