Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
