Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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