Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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