I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
