I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize