Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Farmville is her only friend.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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