The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
