Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
