she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
