No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
