Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
