Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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