you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
