but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
