Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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