I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
