I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
