just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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