Me too!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
