they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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