i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
