i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
