Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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