I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
