1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
