I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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