just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
