Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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