P.S. I can't hear my feet
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
