Just fell off a train. Bad.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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