I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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