I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize