Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
