Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
