did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
