i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
