listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
