So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
