You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The air taste purple.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
