I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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