your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
