She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
