weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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