so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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