The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
