I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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