so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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