i already hear my dad disowning me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
