Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
