She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
