is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
