why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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