This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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