i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
