So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
