Whod you bang
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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