I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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