i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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