I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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