How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
