can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
