I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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