Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
