Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
