I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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