Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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