Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
