I got chris browned last night
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it because I queefed?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
