found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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