What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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