once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
