Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
