so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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