i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
