I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
