Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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