I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
