Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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